Archive for February, 2007

Batman Go Back To Fighting Crime

 batman symbol

Batman is no longer fighting crime folks! Instead according to this story he is now scaring and freaking out school age children and then disappearing into the desert. Now I know that this world is in a challenging state of being so the last thing we need is a superhero (yes, I know he’s a fictional character) scaring the crap out of children. I mean Batman stands for protecting against the bad guys not making a surprise appearance at a random school then quickly and evidently quite stealthily(not sure if it’s a word but just work with me here) disappearing completely out of sight. What does this all mean? Is this another sign of the Apocalypse? Will Batman show up at another school? Is Batman a big fat perv? Tune in tomorrow, same Bat time, same Bat channel.

Of course I also realize that the kid who reported this sighting may have missed their medication this morning as well.


February 15, 2007 at 6:15 pm Leave a comment

It Must Be Hard to Live Life Horizontally

I was looking at my dog, Macy, who is a Golden Retriever/Chow mix yesterday, and really thinking alot about her mobility. Specifically her mobility as a horizontally bound entity/being. I was watching her moving around as she was searching for things, things that I can not see nor smell, however I’m guessing she may have been searching for something to eat or to play with. I must add to this that my wife and I keep a clean house so Macy’s search usually goes unrewarded. At any rate she still searches, you’ve got to admire the hope she that she holds onto so closely in this matter. As I was watching her I noticed that she had gotten herself in a tight corner. Her being horizontally bound and all had to basically back up, very awkwardly I might add, to get her way out of the entrapment she had gotten herself into. Then I started to think about myself and how I am mostly an upright or vertical, to coincide with directionally challenged lingo here. If I were in the same situation as Macy, kind of stuck in a corner, all I have to do is use my two feet, thankfully not four, and rotate myself around towards the exit. I don’t have to do the technique that Macy practiced. Which to remind you was to back herself up blindly and slightly bumping into a chair in the process. Of course another disadvantage is that being horizontally bound you would have a hard time being fashionable. I know you’re thinking that the dog clothing you have seen from your neighbors is pretty fashionable or you may even “dress up” your little or big dog to make him or her to look just like your imaginary friend you had in kindergarten named Howard or Jane. However that may be fine and dandy but the thing is that when you’re upright or vertical as I’ll say in this article then you are more versatile in the kinds of clothing that you can wear. When you’re vertical you can wear most clothing more comfortably than you could if you were horizontal. A dog would not enjoy wearing a dress because of it’s length. Sure the dog’s tail would push the dress up a little to forgo some slack however it still would not be enough because the dog inevitably would still walk on the dress somehow on it’s front paws. Which as you could imagine would be a slight catastrophe for the dog. You may be thinking quickly ahead of me and say well I believe that a dog could in fact wear an article of clothing that is in the “dresses” family/genre. I would say to you yes you may be right but I don’t think that your dog or my dog would enjoy wearing a miniskirt.


I have also noticed that being horizontal evidently influences you to forget that you are horizontal, more specifically, that there may be more to yourelf than when you just look down or from side to side. For instance, Macy must will sporadically forget that there is more to her than she seems to remember and will spontaneously attack what she must presume is something that has snuck up on her and is now to her back. This something would be her tail. She acts like she’s never seen it before therefore she at times really goes at her tail to the point of really throwing herself down to the floor. This must be another disadvantage of being horizontal.   Note to reader:–She then will get up and look around like, Well crap that was just me.

February 4, 2007 at 2:29 am Leave a comment

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