Archive for November, 2006

To quote Samwise Gamgee, ‘I’m back’

And yes that is a Lord of the Rings reference.  I’m a geek, so it’s what I do.

So about my trip – I’m going to report on it in two ways for two different groups of people.  First, for all American tourists  that tend to be obnoxious, ethnocentric jerks while in other countries: don’t go to northern England.  It’s a terrible place, and you wouldn’t like it.  You’ll be beaten to death by roving bands of hooligans who will then proceed to make a hat from your buttocks and play a pick up game of five-a-side with your kidneys.  There is nothing to see, do, eat, smell, whatever.  It is a void – null space.  You would be much better off going to places like Cabo San Lucas or Ibiza, where your horrible behavior will fit in wonderfully.

For all world-wise, adventurous, conscientious American tourists: go to northern England.  It’s a great place that hasn’t been spoiled by the horrible tourists I described in the previous bit.  Manchester is a great city: incredibly cosmopolitan, populated by wonderfully warm people with a great sense of humor.  I regret having spent only two days there.  But then I wouldn’t have had to time to do all the other things I did.  York is brilliant for sight-seeing, although it can be a little pricy.  And Sheffield, while it may not have the tourism of York or Manchester, has some of the best ales you will ever find.  And it borders Peak District National Park, with some of the most beautiful vistas you will ever see.

On a related topic, I just want to say something about modern air travel.  The sheer number of security checkpoints I had to go through getting back was mind numbing.  I count six: one getting into the terminal at Manchester, one before getting onto the plane, one at customs in Philadelphia without my bag, another at customs with my bag, another about ten yards later where a woman checked my passport again, and a final one about ten yards beyond that where I can do have all my carry on x-rayed and go through the metal detectors AGAIN.  And never mind the fact no two airports in the world seem to have identical security restrictions.  Leaving from DC, I was allowed one carry on bag (my backpack) and one personal item (my camera bag).  Leaving Manchester, I was allowed one carry on bag.  Full stop.  I had to check my backpack, because I trusted my camera bag with baggage handlers as much as a mother trusts her newborn with a pack of dingos.  And because of all this hassle, I’ve decided one thing: if I ever meet any sort of terrorist, I will kick him square in the privates with a steel toed boot.  And then I will drag him before a line of people waiting to get through airport security with a sign around their neck saying “This is all my fault” and allow every person in line to put their boot in before they walk through the metal detector.  That may sound a bit aggro, but when innocent people have to jump through 8,000 hoops for doing nothing wrong, I think someone has to answer for it.

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November 30, 2006 at 6:01 pm Leave a comment

Um, Yes, I’ll Have An Order of Cottonseeds Please Waiter otherwise known as Should I Eat This Or Wear This

This story from Discovery Channel.com discusses how researchers at Texas A&M have been able to modify the seeds of cotton genetically, of course, not just modifying them by adding food coloring to them or putting a tiny hat on the seed, anyway, the poisonous/inedible chemical in the seed has been reduced or taken out to make the seed edible. I wonder what they taste like. However, this may be a great discovery just as the article discusses it could provide protein to alot more folks, just don’t try to eat someone’s shirt. A cotton seed.Hmm Cotton Seed

November 27, 2006 at 7:28 pm Leave a comment

By The Skin of It’s Skinny Skin Skin also known as Dinosaur Skin Found

According to this Discovery Channel.com story, a very well preserved Duck-billedDuck-Billed Dinosaur dinosaur skin was found in Montana. SO does this mean we can get the DNA(see picture)DNA and make our own Jurassic Park, I can only hope. Really and truly though this discovery could be really cool as it may bring more insight into the structure of the dinosaurs. The exhibit of this find will be at the North Carolina Museum of Natural Sciences.

November 27, 2006 at 7:08 pm Leave a comment

The Hubble Deep Field Video also known as Yeah We’re Smaller than We Think.

This is a really good video about how the universe is quite bigger than what we may think. Pardon the commentary as at times he can try too hard. Also to note, it’s 6 minutes and 38 seconds in length.

November 27, 2006 at 12:50 am Leave a comment

Frank Caliendo On Letterman and Aries Spears on Talk Show also known as It’s Impressionist Sunday

Two different genres of impersonations but equally well done. Enjoy!

November 26, 2006 at 12:58 am Leave a comment

That’s it! I’m leaving the country!

For a week, that is.  I’m going to England to see some friends, have a few good pints (mmm, warm beer), and see some of what Northern England has to offer.  Oh, and stock up on Cadbury’s chocolate.  We only get to see it once a year around these parts, but over there it’s everywhere!  All the time!  In many wonderous forms, and lacking all the wax we put into milk chocolate here in America.  Yes, we put wax in our chocolate (it only makes sense, otherwise it would melt in our warmer climate).  So I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving.  I know I’m being thoroughly unpatriotic by going abroad on Turkey Day.  But I am going to be watching football.  It’ll just be the real kind.  You know, where you actually use your foot in conjunction with the ball.  The entire game.  And John Madden is not involved.

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving!

November 20, 2006 at 6:33 pm Leave a comment

Words Cannot Express My Amusement at This

A friend forwarded me a celebrity gossip article. I normally don’t care for such things, but the title alone drew me in.

Mike Tyson To Be A Prostitute

Mike TysonFormer boxing champion Mike Tyson is to become a male escort after agreeing to work at legendary Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss’ new legalized brothel for women. Fleiss bought 60 acres of land in Nevada, and his work is scheduled to begin on Heidi’s Stud Farm.

She has high hopes for Tyson, once heavyweight champion of the world – despite the fact he is a convicted rapist.

She says, “I told him, ‘You’re going to be my big stallion.’ It’s every man’s fear that their girlfriend will go for Mike Tyson.”

Tyson, 40, adds, “I don’t care what any man says, it’s every man’s dream to please every woman – and get paid for it.”

(This news article provided by World Entertainment News Network)

 

There really is nothing more I can say about this. It is its own setup and punchline. It’s the return of the 1990’s late night monologue.

 

November 17, 2006 at 10:22 pm Leave a comment

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