Archive for July, 2006

Another Sign of Impending Doom

Ok so I have not yet found employment and employment has yet to find me. I’m thinking it’s lost its GPS device. So I have been watching SportsCenter in the morning which is just a guy classic. Then I have been watching a little bit of The Price Is Right with Mr. Montgomery Burns'(from the Simpsons)incarnate otherwise known as Bob Barker. Well today at the beginning of the show they chose this guy who looked like he was from college and possibly on the baseball team. I say “possibly” because…well he was wearing a practice college baseball jersey. He tried to be funny from the moment he took the place of a contestant. I also want to mention that he took the aim of the show to bid on an opening product to win your way onto the big stage with Mr. Burns, I mean, Barker himself and then have a galla of a time trying to when one of their glorious prizes on their silly little games. Ok, so this guy would keep bidding like one dollar over everyone’s bid at least until the end. Deservingly so , by doing this he never got up to the big stage. Whenever he was outbidded he would sarcastically flail his arms up and act like was congratulating them but he would make a face so very sarcastically at them and take his hands away. He did this to everyone that won. The only time he was nice to anyone was when they announced an 86 year old lady was called to be on Contestants Row( totally different than death row, well maybe not so much for the lasy she was pretty old I think she lied about her age). But even then I was waiting for him to act like he was going to hug her but only to slyly reach and grab her dentures out and put them between his fingers to make a mouthing movement and then to smash them on the ground making devil horns out of his fingers. The contestants and the crowd kept getting on him for doing the survivor style bidding so he finally changed his bidding style to a way that showed better “sportsmanship”. So unfortunately he won a prize from contestants row and went up to meet Bob. While on stage, get this, he exaggerated his excitement movements by jumping up and down like a someone on an imaginary pogo stick while being attacking in the pants area from red fire ants. I mean really was this necessary. It was like he was making fun of the years of excitement that people had shown when they won their way to meet the immortal Bob. To cut to the short of it he won his prizes and then went on to spin the wheel to see if he would be on the show’s final showcase. He on his first spin got like $.90 and no one was able to come close although the guy’s annoyance did not stop here. Every time a fellow contestant spun the wheel he would walk over out of the designated spot for him to stay in and would move his arms around like a helicopter that was trying to move a mach speeds. Thankfully Bob ignored this behavior but the look of the contestants was priceless because they showed in their indvidualized faces a degree of shock that bordered on, “why the heck is this guy acting like this?”. But of course this guy won the last spot onto the final showcase showdown. When he won he did more exaggerated movements that I have since blocked out of my mind. The other contestant he was going up against was a Master Sergeant from the Marines a well put together confident personality (based on my judgment of the total of 5 minutes I saw him on TV. I was pulling for the marine to win. They showed the first showcase which was really nice. I was surprised win Captain Spastic passed it on to the marine. The marine bid and then The Great Jerkface got a equally nice showcase. Then he bid. Bob told the Marine the actual price of his showcase and the Marine’s bid was $8000 dollars below. Then Bob did the same for Captain Spastic/The Great Jerkface and lo and behold this Guy got within $250 of his showcase which also meant he won both showcases. This for me prompted me to say for some reason that, “This world is going to atch-ee-double ell (H-E-LL) in a handbasket.” Funniest response to someone winning or someone losing I ever had. So there’s the next great sign of Impending Doom.

July 14, 2006 at 12:03 pm Leave a comment

One Thing I Know

I know that the foods in the supermarkets here where I live have very few foods that are low in sodium content. What is that about. I’m not even going to touch the restaurants either. I mean now that bottled water has gotten supremely popular while the sodium content in food is still high no wonder Americans look like round weeble-wooble people. And the fried foods that the South addictingly consume. Man, let me tell ya, it ought to be a crime to have as many fried foods as we do. Now back to my original point. I bring this whole supermarket thing up because I do limit my sodium in my diet who needs their body to be so salty that the Ocean sounds are envy. I mean really.Anyway I was looking for some freakin’ baked beans and my oh my every can I picked up had around 20-28% of a person’s daily value of sodium according to FDA values per about a 1/2 of a cup of a serving. I mean no wonder there are so many Americans that have Hypertension/High Blood Pressure. Salt it’s the new flavor of the month.

July 12, 2006 at 8:12 pm Leave a comment

An Interesting Perspiration

A funny thing happened to me the other day after I returned from cycling. I came home a little worn out after cycling for an hour and ten minutes,wiped some sweat from my brow onto my sleeve, and I noticed a very familiar smell under my arm on now on my sleeve. A smell that my tastebuds are used to. A taste that my nose was unsure it was smelling since it was not before my eyes. My sweat smelled just like liquid celery and garlic. NO LIE. I was surprised how potent it was. However, I the lover of salads that include garlic and celery, knew that the saying, “You are what you eat” became truth for me on that day. Or maybe even more accurate,”You smell like what you eat.” I do eat alot of garlic(my southern accent pronounces it more like gahlick) and celery(southernly pronounced sellry). I thought it was funny that my sweat smelled so strongly of these two ingredients. So there’s my true story and thought for today.

July 8, 2006 at 11:42 am Leave a comment

An Incovenient Truth

Go see it

July 6, 2006 at 5:32 pm Leave a comment

Greatest Grain (an Oatmeal Mini-Thesis)

Of course this is only an opinion(and everyone has an opinion just like they have a brain) but I believe that OATMEAL is the greatest grain. I say this because I just love oatmeal. I eat every morning, I consume it in my protein shake smoothies, and sometimes I when I feel a little barbaric, I eat it just out of the bag that Bob’s Red Mill has provided. Ok, a shameless plug to a company that I get no financial gain from but I support their products because it’s organic and darn good quality. Ok for real, I really do like oatmeal and if I was posed this question( in a Harry Carey/ Will Ferrell voice), ” Hey Tim, Would you eat the moon if it was a bowl of oatmeal?” I would have to reply quick, fast, and in a hurry, “Oh yeah.”(Think of the Kool Aid GuyKool-Aid bowl character, that freak) It’s quite nutritious for ya. It provides a good amount of protein, fiber, and complex carbohydrates. So I an avid oatmeal eatter, encourage you the reader to pick up a hot bowl of what you may perceive as an old-fashioned-only-grandmas-eat-this-kind-of-stuff-to-keep-their-old-
bowels-regular food and tray it mix a bit of honey in it or sugar but not white sugar but the Sugar in the Raw kind(also known as turbinado sugar) because it’s better for you than the processed white sugar. Heck fire monkey’s butt get crazy with what you put in your oatmeal put fresh strawberries or walnuts or almonds in it and BAM! Delicious! I like the non-instant oatmeal better because let’s face it the instant can get all soggy and sloppy, almost 1950s horror movie gloppy. And not to mention the plethora of sugar that’s in it. Geez Quaker’s, let’s call it healthy by marketing it that way, no matter the contents of the “healthy” oatmeal. Ok, so there’s my thought for today. Go eatcha self some oatmeal you know you want to.

July 6, 2006 at 10:55 am Leave a comment


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